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I promised Betty I'd do her play. I really do think it's a good play." Yes," I said. "I've been studying my lines. There are some interesting moments when things work on many levels. It's pretty deep." I shouldn't be doing some fucking amateur play. And I definitely shouldn't be doing it with you." I thought you said I was perfect for the part," I said. "You said Betty searched for me to fill the role."Penny made a throttled noise that resembled a laugh. "How can I work with you?" she said, letting her voice rise. "How can I be with you?" She said louder. Then she yelled, "What am I doing here?" I don't know!" I yelled back. It seemed like the wind of my voice pushed her against the chair. She tightened even more, and then became suddenly relaxed. Tears streamed out of her eyes."Why didn't you tell me?" she asked again. She cried but her voice remained steady, quiet and tender."Please Penny; tell me what I didn't tell you." You know who I am. You know who I really am." I'm learning,. So one day, after about two years, he demanded an answer. He told me to tellhim why I wasnt happy. I told him my feelings were irrelevant. I was hiswife and it was my duty to please him, what I felt was irrelevant.That made him very angry but I kept repeating that phrase. After a week ofbadgering, he shouted and become belligerent and demanded an answer. He saidwe werent going anywhere until I told him.I got serious, and asked him if he was fucking serious, how could he notknow. I asked if he was kidding me with this. He was going to be king, hehad to know why I was unhappy being a male and living this life as a wife. Istarted screaming back telling him what happened at fifteen, and all aboutmy life and how I was given no choices in the matter. My life was takenaway. And oh my god was he pissed. I was so afraid I cringed into a ballseeing his red face and the anger he exhibited. Then he had me sent toanother room. He made me my own room separate from his. I was sure somethinghorrible.
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